Awaken Maggadhira!

I don’t know what hurts more, the deception about what happened or my own deception about myself. What happened, after all, shouldn’t be a surprise to me, and in a way I saw it quite clearly before I left to Argentina, and this takes me to confront that what is happening outside is always happening within myself and I never want to see it. Just as others want to believe in fairytales, so I do. And this is my great disappointment! The way I keep on cheating myself!

We walk limitless distances to avoid seeing the truth that we are alone; that whatever is out there is just our own creation, or better say, the creation of this madness called “five aggregates”(form, feelings, perception, mental formation and consciousness). And all comes down to FEAR. It is fear the one emotion that keeps us from seeing the mechanism at work, fear fed by ignorance.

Everything we do is because of fear; everything we avoid is because of fear. We sublimate this with awesome words as “democracy”, “family”, “holy life”, “community”, but in reality the motivating force behind is fear: fear of not been seen, acknowledged, accepted, loved, wanted. It is fear the one that is keeping me from letting go finally of the entire burden. I only exist in relation to the others. Through this relation with the others the myriad landscape of roles, identifications, personal stories with all justifications and the split YOU and ME is born. Consequently, the GOOD and the BAD follows.

It is also fear what is keeping us hidden behind a beautiful picture of harmonic perfection, fighting as gangsters to avoid the truth that threatens the survival of the institution with which our communal egos have identified. There is too much to risk!: the “I”

We proclaim we protect the wrong doer in the name of compassion, we swap away all evidences of truth in the name of wisdom, and we sit saintly in the lotus position to proclaim a teaching we don’t understand, much less we follow.

But if what I see outside is my own creation, then, what is that I am creating, and from where? What sort of place is this “within”? How do I relate to my own craziness? To my fear, my doubts, my own wanting, my dislikes, my anger and even hatred? Where is love? Or is love the total absence of all this, or perhaps just the acceptance of what is? What is love? Is love another invention? When I sit and meditate, what is my real intention? What is my real purpose? What are my expectations? Could I ever sit with none of these? Being, just BEING?

Awaken Maggadhira! Awaken! Make of fear your best friend! Give space to it, listen to it, and follow it to the darkest depths! You may realise then, that fear is just one of the children of Desire.

Written on 6-12-2014